dark cloud of God’s presence

Mike Parsons –

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Where do we get our value from? Where do we get our identity from?

What I discovered on this journey of restored first love and identity was that I had been getting my value, worth and identity from what I was doing. And therefore, if I was not doing those things, I struggled with how I felt about myself.

Lessons from Hebrew Marriage

We have been exploring the restoration of first love through the lens of the six aspects of Hebrew marriage found in the Old Testament. God revealed to Israel that He desired a marriage relationship with them. However, they failed to accept that invitation. Instead, they set up their own system of Hebrew marriage, based on what they believed God had done—but something was missing: relationship.

It became a relationship based on contract, not covenant.

We looked at:

The Garden (Lakah) – God drawing us into intimacy and revealing His love
The Dance Floor (Segullah) – where He entwines with us, revealing our identity and destiny
The Mikveh – the soaking room of preparation and transformation, where He prepares us to come into His presence
The Ketubah – the covenant of relationship (which, in my case, I initially misunderstood and approached from the soul)
The Kiddushin – the betrothal, the dark cloud of surrender
The Huppah – the bridal chamber, the consummation of deeper union

False Identity

I was on a journey to have my first love identity revealed, which meant my false soul identity had to be exposed. I did not know who I truly was, and therefore, I was operating in the power of the soul. The soaking room began that process; the dark cloud completed it.

Today, I want to talk about that dark cloud experience—what led to it, how it unfolded, and how it changed everything. The Father’s goal was intimacy and union—symbolised by marriage and consummation in the bridal chamber—which would lead to a face-to-face experience of God’s person, far beyond experiencing His presence.

Into the Dark Cloud

I reached a point on my journey where the soaking and fire of preparation were drawing me towards the bridal chamber—to that consummation, to deeper intimacy, truth and knowledge than I had ever imagined. But first came the dark cloud of separation and reintegration of soul and spirit, which brought about total surrender of the soul. That was, without doubt, one of the hardest things I have ever gone through in my life—but also the most beneficial.

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Exposing the Thoughts and Intentions

This transformation revealed the need for that separation and reintegration. It exposed the thoughts and intentions of my heart, which were so soulish that I was shocked by my own reactions when God tested me. But He did it for my good, knowing that it was the only way to bring me into my true identity and reveal His true nature to me.

It was incredibly hard. The motives of my heart were mixed. Some of my intentions were shaped by the programming of wrong religious belief systems. Those flawed intentions were exposed when I attempted to make a ketubah—a marriage contract—with God, instead of entering into the new covenant that had already been prepared for me to be included in. The whole process had been flawed from the beginning, and it brought to light the root of my soulish motivations.

The Father used those stages to help me see the false perspective of the soul, in contrast with my true identity—created in His image and likeness, as a son. The flaws in my thoughts and intentions became apparent when I tried to make demands of God—rather than surrendering to relationship and trusting Him.

Contract vs Covenant

That is the problem with a contract—it does not rest on trust. A contract says, “If you do this, I will do that.” These are your demands; these are mine. And if one party fails to meet those conditions, that is seen as marital unfaithfulness and could bring the relationship to an end—because it was never based on trust.

That is what I discovered. I might have claimed I trusted God, and believed I did, but the truth was my relationship with Him was not built on trust. It was built on reward: being rewarded for what I was doing and drawing my identity from my works for God.

Now, none of the things I was doing were wrong in themselves—but I was doing them from the wrong motivation. I was driven by a need for self-validation. I found that I could trust God only when I understood what He was doing. If I did not understand, I could not trust. I did not realise that until He revealed it to me—and when He did, it absolutely shocked me.

Some of my intentions were definitely performance-driven, not pure.

The Nature of the Dark Cloud

My dark cloud experience will be different from yours. You might not go through the same darkness and inability to see that I did. Others have shared different stories of how God brought them to deeper relationship. But I do believe we all must experience a separation and reintegration of soul and spirit.

We are all born into this world with our souls shaped from the outside in. Everything we learned about ourselves, the world and even God came through our physical senses. Our soul interpreted that data and built a worldview, a belief system, based on upbringing, experience and, often, religious or educational systems.

God wanted to bring me—and wants to bring each of us—into the bridal chamber for consummation, into a face-to-face encounter with the Father’s person. For that to happen, He must reorient our inner being so that our relationship is led by the spirit and not the soul. It must move from spirit to soul, not the other way round—so that we can be joined to the Lord and become one spirit with Him.

The Season of Preparation

After a period of soaking and fire around August 2011, in which I had some profound soaking room experiences, then between August and October 2011, in times of corporate worship, I began to experience what felt like a thick, dark cloud. I did not understand what it was. I was not afraid—but I was confused and disoriented. What was going on? Why was I having these experiences? What was happening? I asked a lot of questions.

Why Would God Hide?

So I began to look into it—what are dark clouds all about? I started exploring the significance of dark clouds in Scripture, and what I found was that God hides within a dark cloud to protect us from the intensity of His presence before we are fully prepared and ready to meet Him face to face.

This is not God keeping us away—this is God protecting us, but also preparing us. He draws us into His presence by leading us through a dark cloud of trust. The question becomes: will I trust Him enough to go through that dark cloud to enter into His presence—or will I back off, be afraid, and run from the experience?

Israel’s Encounter

In Deuteronomy 4:11, we read about Israel’s experience:

“You came forward and stood at the foot of the mountain. The mountain was burning with fire to the heart of the heavens—darkness, cloud and thick gloom.”

Of course they were afraid. They had spent 400 years in Egypt, in bondage, with little to no real relationship with God. And when they came out of that, they carried so much of Egypt with them—control, manipulation and fear. So, when God invited them up the mountain to meet Him, they were afraid. They drew back, and they failed to accept that invitation.

The Glory in the Cloud

In 2 Samuel 22:12, it says:

He made darkness canopies around Him, massive waters, thick clouds of the sky.

And in 1 Kings 8:10,

When the priests came out of the holy place, the cloud filled the house of the Lord, so that the priests could not stand to minister because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the house.

Now, when we think of the glory of the Lord, we usually think of light—but actually, God had to protect them from the fullness of His glory, from the intensity of His essence, from the blinding light of His presence. Solomon understood this. In verse 12, he said,

“The Lord has said that He would dwell in the thick darkness.”

So Solomon recognised that this thick cloud was not hiding God out of reluctance, but protecting the people. Even in that cloud, they could not stand—the weight of God’s presence was too great. But within that dark cloud, when God came to occupy the Holy of Holies, He was actually shielding them from the light of His presence—until Jesus came to reveal the light as the Light of the World, to reveal the true nature of God.

All Mike’s books, including Into the Dark Cloud and Unconditional Love, are available to order from online and local booksellers; or you can buy the ebooks and download them instantly from our website.
More info at eg.freedomarc.org/books

Hidden in Mystery

Psalm 18:11 says, He made darkness His hiding place, His canopy around Him, darkness of waters, thick clouds.

The Passion Translation renders it this way:

Wrapped in thick cloud-darkness, His thunder-tabernacle surrounded Him. He hid Himself in mystery-darkness. The dense rain clouds were His garments.

This is an invitation. God is calling us into that mystery—to see whether we will trust Him. Are we willing to go through the dark cloud in order to encounter His person?

Psalm 97:2: Clouds and thick darkness surround Him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne.

So why does God hide in a dark cloud? Because without it, He is unapproachable light. But He desires to prepare us so that we can approach Him in that light.

From Cloud to Light

Eventually, when I went into that light—having been prepared and having passed through the dark cloud—I could not remain there for even a fraction of a second. It was far too intense for me at that time, because the process of deconstruction and the renewal of my mind was still ongoing.

But I returned—and now I dwell in that approachable light. I dwell in the realm of light, in perfection. I abide there. It is my home, constantly, continually. And that was only possible because I went through the dark cloud. My soul and spirit were separated, then reintegrated. I was reconnected. And now, I can dwell in the realms of heaven continually.

Hidden Until We Are Ready

Interestingly, the Hebrew word for thick and dark is the same. It means that God is unseen or hidden from our direct sight—until we are ready, until we are prepared to meet Him face to face. And that is our destiny. That is the purpose of restoring first love. God does not want to keep us at a distance—but He wants us to be safe and secure in His presence. And that requires transformation.

Activation: Guided Meditation

I encourage you to just close your eyes.
Get relaxed.

You may want to lie down.
Just begin to relax your body.

You may want to start focusing on your breathing.
Breathe in slowly… and hold it…
Then breathe it out slowly.

And as you are breathing in and breathing out,
Begin to focus your thinking on God,
The Father, who is love.

As you begin to breathe in,
You are breathing in unconditional love—
The love of the Father for you
As a son, as a daughter, as a child.

Breathe it in…
And as you breathe it in,
That unconditional love begins to flow through your whole being—
Touching every cell of your body:
Your mind,
Your emotions,
The whole of your soul, spirit and body.

So you can be still…
And let God love on you.
Let Him show you how much He loves you.

As His love fills you,
Let joy and peace come and overwhelm you—
Cocoon you.
Let all of His being begin to flow in you.
An atmosphere forms around you—
A cocoon of love, joy and peace
That you are just resting in,
Relaxing in.

Be still.
Wait.
Just rest.
Just wait—expectantly—
For whatever God wants to do with you right now.

This is a safe place.
You can get out of that boat—figuratively.
You can choose to abandon yourself:
Sink into that vast ocean of unconditional love,
Where God’s love is so strong, so powerful,
That you can trust Him—
That He is a good God—
That He wants the best for you.

Just go deeper and deeper into that love,
As He restores that first love to you.

You can sink deeper…
And deeper…
There may be things around you that you sense or feel.
Be willing to go deeper and deeper into love.