dark cloud – Sons of Issachar

462. The Dark Cloud 4 | Breakthrough Day—From Grief to Glory

Mike Parsons –

If you do not see the video entitled The Dark Cloud, Part 4. Breakthrough Day—From Grief to Glory, please click here.

The text below is a condensed version of the video content.

Wait expectantly

I got through November, December and January—but I was in a bad way emotionally. Then came February, and all I felt was: wait expectantly. This was the dark cloud again, but now with the sense that hope would return. Still, I was frustrated. Why wait? What for? When would something actually happen? I sensed—not in words, but inwardly—that I should fast for 20 or 21 days, and then breakthrough would come. That gave me something to hold on to, a flicker of hope.

So I started fasting. Eight days in, I poisoned myself with contaminated water. I had not cleaned out the water cooler properly. For five days after that, I could not even keep water down. I had already gone over a week without food, and now no sleep, no hydration. I was delirious. Physically, emotionally, I was running on empty. I did not do what I would advise anyone else to do. I did not call the elders; I did not ask for prayer; I did not go to the doctor. I just let it happen. I suppose I embraced it, though I did not really know why.

My soul had had enough by that point. I said to God, “I surrender”—just to make it stop. I did not mean it, and it did not stop; it intensified. For another two weeks or more, I was at the absolute end of myself. My soul gave up. It stopped asking. I had no more questions. I could finally be still—because I had no strength to be anything else. I could wait, I could rest, because I could do nothing else. I could not even think.

It was my ‘Garden of Gethsemane’, in a way. Every part of me—body, soul, mind, emotions, will—was spent. I got the faintest glimpse of what Jesus must have endured, though his was infinitely greater. He took on the lost identity of all of us. Every dark cloud, every wound, every bit of brokenness. He carried it all. That is how deep his love goes.

God reminded me of some scriptures—Psalm 22: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” It felt like that. I was groaning and crying out, and God seemed miles away. But then, verse 24 says that he did not despise the suffering or hide his face. He heard. He heard me. He just knew I had to come to the end of myself.

Psalm 42 was another. “Why are you in despair, O my soul?” That was exactly how I felt—mentally exhausted, unable to focus, even to pray in tongues. I stopped trying. Emotionally I was wrecked. I started accusing God, and I received accusations—from myself, from the enemy. I felt I was a failure in every area: husband, father, leader, person. And I believed every word of it.

But God was using this. He was preparing me for what was ahead—for the criticism, the trolling, the accusations that would come. Nothing people might say could ever be worse than what I had already said to myself. Colossians 1:24 came to mind—Paul talks about rejoicing in his sufferings and filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions. Not adding to them, because we cannot—but joining in that unselfish love that undergirds all true ministry.

That is what God was working in me: love, joy and peace that does not come from anything external, but only from him. And I had not fully surrendered, so I was still going through it. But even that was his mercy, drawing me deeper into his love.

All Mike’s books, including Into the Dark Cloud and Unconditional Love, are available to order from online and local booksellers; or you can buy them as ebooks and download them instantly from our website.
More info at eg.freedomarc.org/books

Rejoice – Again I say, rejoice!

Rejoice in the Lord always—again I say, rejoice. (Philippians 4:4).

It felt like I might just be getting there. I had no strength to give thanks, but something began to rise in me—not from my soul, but from my spirit. Hope started to return. 1 Peter 4:13 says, “To the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing.” And something shifted. I began to rejoice. My attitude changed. Joy became strength.

And then came the shaking. Hebrews 12 talks about removing the things that can be shaken so only what cannot be shaken remains. That consuming fire—God’s presence—was burning everything up. And I chose to offer myself. I surrendered, even though I was burning inside and out. The fire of God’s love was testing what would remain. That was when I burned my ketubah—a contract I had written with 68 demands, all good things: to fulfil destiny, sonship, purpose. But it was my contract with God, not his. As I burned it, I felt each item die. And I grieved, deeply. Waves of loss rolled over me.

And then came the question: “Do you still love me?” If nothing I desired came to pass, would I still love God? Would I trust him, still rejoice, still believe he is good? Yes. My soul had finally surrendered. He searched and tested my heart—not to punish, but to purify. The pure in heart see God. That is what he wanted: face-to-face relationship.

I surrendered control. I no longer needed to know anything, see anything. If he never showed me another thing, I did not care. Could God trust me? That was the real issue—not what I could do for him, or him for me—but relationship. When I surrendered, he told me he trusted me. If he never did another thing for me, I would still love him. And if I never did anything for him again, he would still love me.

Those four months had been four phases: garden, dance floor, soaking room, dark cloud—be still, wait, rest, wait expectantly. They all turned out to be invitations by grace, but my soul had turned them into duties, burdens, performance. Until finally, I surrendered even my obedience. He freed me from needing to earn identity through duty. I saw that my redemptive gift is not what I do, but who I am.

And was it all worth it—just for relationship? Absolutely. It brought me to 2 Corinthians 7:16: I rejoice that in everything I have confidence in you. That night, when I surrendered completely and found joy, he separated and reintegrated my soul and spirit. I could never have done that myself—only he, the living Word, could. Everything changed. My soul and spirit became quantum entangled, re-joined from the inside out.

This blog is adapted from the recording of a group Zoom with our Patreon patrons in May 2025. Why not join them, and experience future sessions live with Mike Parsons?
Visit patreon.com/freedomarc for details.

Or you can purchase this whole Restoring First Love series at eg.freedomarc.org/first-love

Abiding in the heavenly realms

The next day, I woke up totally restored. No symptoms. Physically and emotionally whole. I sat in my chair and re-engaged heaven. But now I was free—untethered. Not stepping in and out, but abiding. My spirit stayed in the heavenly realms. My soul no longer anchored me to the earth. I live in dual realms, connected, unified. Everything the Father wanted to show me became accessible. From that day, my spirit has never left that realm. My soul became a channel for heaven to touch earth. Joined to the Lord, one spirit. The gateway opened.

Looking back now, I can honestly say—I rejoice. I celebrate what the Father did in me. It was awesome. I am so deeply grateful. He loved me enough to take me through that fire, through that pressure, through the darkest cloud I had ever experienced—because he knew what was on the other side. He wanted me to be free. He wanted me to know the depth of his unconditional love. He wanted me to experience limitless grace, triumphant mercy—not just know about them, but live from them. And I do. That is where I live from now.

So now, I want to encourage you—just open your heart. Just be willing. Ask Jesus to take you wherever he wants you to go. Do not try to control the outcome, do not try to shape the experience. Just say, “Yes, I am willing.” Maybe he will take you into the dark cloud. Maybe it will be something completely different. But whatever it is, if he is leading, you can trust it. Trust him. You might not understand it at the time, I certainly did not—but he knows what he is doing. And if you are willing to say to him, “I choose to embrace this path of transformation,” then say it. Tell him. But do not try to make anything happen. Let him lead. Desire it, yes—but do not create the agenda. That was the biggest lesson for me: only he can initiate it, only he can take you through it.

And really, that is where this whole series began—right back at the beginning: to experience first love, we have to abandon our soul into the trust of the God who loves us unconditionally. That is what he wanted me to get to. That was my journey. That was how I got out of the boat. And we all need to get out of that boat. The boat of survival. The boat where we think we are in control, where we try to make everything safe and understandable. We have to get out of that boat, and sink into the vast, endless ocean of unconditional love.

Because only there—only in that place of absolute surrender, trust and intimacy—can we truly experience what it means to walk with God, to know him, to be known by him. That is what he is after. That is what this whole thing is about. It is not about doing anything for him. It is not about fulfilling a calling, or achieving anything at all. It is about being with him, loving him, and letting him love us. That is the invitation. That is the transformation. That is first love.

Activation (full version).

I encourage you just to close your eyes. Get relaxed.
You may want to lie down. You can relax your body.

You may want to start by focusing on your breathing—
breathe in slowly… hold it…
and then breathe out slowly.

And as you are breathing in and breathing out,
begin to focus your thinking on God the Father—who is love.

As you begin to breathe in,
you are breathing in unconditional love—
the love of the Father for you as a son, as a daughter, as a child.

Breathe it in.
And as you breathe it in, that unconditional love begins to flow through your whole being—
touching every cell of your body,
your mind, your emotions,
the whole of your soul, spirit and body.

Be still… and let God love on you.
Let Him show you how much He loves you.

As His love fills you,
let joy and peace come—overwhelm you, cocoon you.
All of His being begins to flow in you.
An atmosphere forms around you—
a cocoon of love, joy and peace that you are simply resting in… relaxing in…

Be still.
Wait.
Just rest.
Wait expectantly.

Whatever God wants to do with you right now—
this is a safe place.

You can get out of that boat—figuratively.
You can choose to abandon yourself—
to sink into that vast ocean of unconditional love—
where God’s love is so strong, so powerful,
that you can trust Him.

He is a good God.
He wants the best for you.

Just go deeper and deeper into that love,
as He restores that first love to you.

You can sink deeper… and deeper.

There may be things around you that you sense or feel.
Be willing to go deeper into that love.

You can stay in that place.

Maybe you want to get closer and more intimate with the Father—
face to face with His presence.

You can fix your thoughts.
Jesus wants to reveal the Father to you.
The Holy Spirit wants to reveal Jesus to you.
So they can reveal themselves to you—
in intimacy.

Think about the Father meeting you.
Fix your thoughts in your imagination.
Picture a door in your spirit—
and you can choose to open that door.

Invite the Father’s presence in—
to hug you,
to breathe His breath of life into you.

And as the Father embraces you in love,
be open to wherever He wants to lead you—
maybe to the soaking room, if that is where you are,
maybe to the realms of heaven—
where you can engage the judgment seat,
or the altar of fire,
or the river of fire.

Perhaps you want to take your scroll—
to have it tested and purified by the consuming fire of His love.

Or maybe ask Him to take you into that dark cloud experience—
if you are willing,
if you feel the desires of your heart are set upon it.

Wherever the Father wants to lead you,
just be willing to go—
knowing that you can trust Him.

Because He loves you.
He wants the best for you.
He is a good God.

He wants you to truly know who He really is,
so you can truly know who you really are—
as a child of God.

Be open to wherever He takes you right now…

Feel free to stay in that place as long as you would like—a place of intimacy, a place of love, a place of rejoicing, where the joy and peace of God can just fill you and flood you.

461. The Dark Cloud 3 | When Your Soul Needs Answers But God Is Silent

336. Get out of the boat… and SINK!

274. Separating and reintegrating soul and spirit (1)

276. Living In Dual Realms

461. The Dark Cloud 3 | When Your Soul Needs Answers But God Is Silent

Mike Parsons –

Not able to see the video above? Click here.

Four months with God!

During a dark cloud experience in worship in October 2011, the Father asked me if I would give Him four months. Now, I thought, wow—forty days was amazing—imagine what four months could do. He did not say a four-month fast (I think that might have been extreme, but I probably would have done it). Nevertheless, I was so excited. Of course I said yes to that invitation. I mean, it was like—wow—what was God going to do with me when I gave Him four months?

So I chose November 2011 to February 2012 for my four months. It was not a fast, but it was a time without journaling, without agenda—or so I thought. Well, I suppose I did: I wanted more. But He had an agenda. Wow. I was in for a shock, again, from that Jehovah-Sneaky. He tricked me into this—probably because He knew I might not accept if I knew what was going to happen. I do not know. But He got me into that place.

So—November the first, 2011. I got up, six in the morning, and I sat in my usual reclining chair, expecting something amazing to happen. Remember, I had had over a year of daily experiences and encounters in heaven, within my own spirit and soul—and now what happened? Nothing. Darkness. A blank, black screen. How confused I was! How shocked I was! How sad I was!

Now in hindsight, I can see what God was doing through those four months. Each month was a separate period. And I see He was taking me back to the garden, but I could not see it or experience it cognitively. He took me back to the dance floor. He took me to the soaking room, and into the dark cloud. But I could not see or feel anything—other than it was dark. Black. I could see nothing. I could hear nothing. It was horrible.

Be still

All I felt was, “Be still.” That was it. Be still. I had to be still. But I was so frustrated, confused, disappointed. My soul did not handle being still very well.

So there I am, November 2011, and God is taking me back into the garden so I could know God who is love. But that was tested, because I could not see it, and I could not feel it. All I had to do was be still. Psalm 46:10—“Be still and know that I am God.” That was the first verse I ever meditated on. I had meditated on that verse for years. And now God had asked me to be still, and I could not.

Another version of that verse says, “Step out of the traffic. Take a long, loving look at Me, your high God.” I could not see Him. It was like—how unfair is that? I had no problem being still until I was invited to be still—and my soul reacted to that darkness. I kicked off.

Now, there are other verses.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.’ (Psalm 91:1).

But I could not trust Him. In fact, I did not trust Him. God is love—but would I trust Him without seeing and knowing what He is doing? My soul failed that test miserably. I had to know what He was doing. I bombarded Him with questions. I needed to know. Why was He doing this to me? What was happening?

See, if I knew what He was doing, I felt secure—and I could trust Him. But I did not trust Him as much as I thought, obviously. My soul kicked off. I really needed to know. I had to know. And of course—God did not tell me. Which was so frustrating, and so annoying. And I got so angry with God, I said things to Him which I am not proud of now. Of course, He was smiling all along. I could not see Him, but He was smiling, because He knew what this process was going to do in me.

I remembered that God once said, “I do not need your assistance, just your surrender.” I remembered that—but I could not do it. My soul could not surrender. And I think I did not really know God’s unconditional love. I knew God is love. I knew God loved me. But actually, was it unconditional? I do not think my soul accepted that that was the truth.

This recording is from a group Zoom with our Patreon patrons in May 2025. Why not join them, and experience future sessions live with Mike Parsons? Visit patreon.com/freedomarc for details.

Or you can purchase this whole Restoring First Love series at eg.freedomarc.org/first-love

So—November was a miserable month. I went through a terrible struggle. I was hoping that December would be better. So—the first of December—I get up. I go back, I sit in my chair. Nothing again. Blank. All I felt was: “Wait.” Looking back, I can see that God was taking me on the dance floor. There would be joy. But I had to wait. Why did I need to wait? What was I waiting for? Isaiah 40:31—Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. Great. But I could not see what He was doing, so I could not wait. I wanted to know.

Another version says, “Those who wait for the Lord, who expect, look for, and hope for Him, shall change and renew their strength and power.” I think that is the Amplified version. Nehemiah 8:10 says “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” So God wanted me to experience joy based on nothing other than Him. So I was waiting. Do nothing, see nothing, know nothing. That was not joy. I did not feel joyful, or blissful, or any other description of joy. I was miserable.

Could joy come from no external circumstances, only from my relationship with the Lord? Well obviously, yes. I discovered that in the end. But while I was going through it? Absolutely not. I felt no joy at all. I was miserable. Even Christmas was horrible that year, because inside I was in turmoil. I was so struggling with what was happening to me. It felt so unfair that God had made me this way—and now I could not be me. That is how it felt.

So—why do I have to wait? What am I waiting for? Why are You making me wait? Who am I waiting for? My soul was absolutely, totally out of control. And I believe the Father was showing me what I would be like without my spirit’s influence. Because when I came into relationship with God, and when the Holy Spirit was alive in me, and when revelation came, and when I was baptised in the Spirit, and filled with the Spirit, and all these amazing things—I had wonderful experiences of God. And it was great.

But now God was showing me what I was like on my own, following my own path, in my soul. Needing to know what God was doing, to even have a hope of joy. So why would I have to wait? It was so hard.

Rest

Then January came. The first of January. I was hoping—hoping—that this would be a new year and something would change. And all I felt was: rest. Rest. I could not rest. I was now in the soaking room. Rest. Peace. God wanted me to come into peace. I could not feel peaceful. I was anything but peaceful. I was riled. My emotions were high. My soul was in turmoil.

Matthew 11:28—“Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Well—I was weary and heavy laden at this point. I really felt my soul was carrying this weight of producing my own identity from what I was doing. “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me; I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” I did not find rest for my soul. I could not enter rest.

I had been at rest for a whole year. Wonderfully at rest. He had taught me from that scripture. He opened it up so I could know what it was to come into rest. And now He invited me to rest—and I could not rest. Do nothing, see nothing, know nothing, be nothing. More frustration.

I could not do it. I could not rest. Which was the point. Because He was basically saying, you do not have to try to create rest. You come to Me. Being gentle and humble in heart is true peace, where identity and destiny are accepted and surrendered for God’s glory. But I could not do it.

So was I willing to take the yoke of Jesus, even when it made no sense? When I did not understand? When I could not figure it out? When I did not know what God was doing? Could I do it? No. I could not. Absolutely no way. So would I follow His lead and be His disciple in pure trust? Which is exactly what He wanted me to do. But I could not. Not at that point. I could not do it.

Why do I need to rest? What am I resting for? What are You doing, making me rest? Who am I resting for? What is it all about? My soul just asked question upon question upon question. I could not be still. I could not wait. I could not rest. I was in turmoil—continually. I was asking those questions—but really they were accusations. I was accusing God. What are You doing? Why are You doing this to me? It is unfair. I have done nothing to deserve this. I do not like it.

But—I got through November, December and January. I got through it. But I was pretty bad—emotionally. And then I got to February. And all I felt was: wait expectantly. Now—I was going to go into the dark cloud. Now—hope would return.

Activation (excerpt)

I encourage you to just close your eyes.
Get relaxed.

You may want to lie down.
You can relax your body.

Begin by focusing on your breathing.
Breathe in slowly… and hold it…
Then breathe it out… slowly.

And as you breathe in… and breathe out…
Start to focus your thinking on God the Father, who is love.

As you begin to breathe in,
You are breathing in unconditional love—
The love of the Father for you,
As a son,
As a daughter,
As His child.

Breathe it in.

As you do, that unconditional love begins to flow
Through your whole being—
Touching every cell of your body,
Your mind,
Your emotions,
The whole of your soul, spirit, and body.

Let yourself be still,
And let God love on you.
Let Him show you how much He loves you.

As His love fills you,
Joy and peace come—
They overwhelm you,
They cocoon you.

All of His being begins to flow in you.
An atmosphere forms around you—
A cocoon of love, joy, and peace.

You are just resting in it.
Relaxing in it.

Be still.
Wait.
Rest.
Wait expectantly.

Whatever God wants to do with you—right now—
This is a safe place.

You can get out of the boat—figuratively.
You can choose to abandon yourself,
To sink into that vast ocean of unconditional love,
Where God’s love is so strong, so powerful—
You can trust Him.

He is a good God,
And He wants the best for you.

Just go deeper and deeper into that love
As He restores first love to you.

You can sink deeper…
And deeper…

There may be things around you that you sense or feel.
Be willing to go deeper and deeper…
Into love.

445. Walking In The Spirit: A Journey Into Heavenly Realms

440. Unconditional Love – NO LIMITS

148. Be still and know

Into the Dark Cloud

Mike Parsons

He made darkness His hiding place,
His canopy around Him,
Darkness of waters, thick clouds of the skies.
(Psalm 18:11).

The Dark Cloud was a process that I went into to engage God face to face. He hides himself within a dark cloud to protect us, so that we cannot access His actual Presence in a way which would completely overwhelm or obliterate us in our mind (and we would probably just not be able to cope).

So He prepares us for a level of relationship and face-to-face intimacy of which in the beginning I had no concept of at all. I was engaging with the presence of God, talking to Him and fellowshipping with Him – but I did not realise that there was a dimension to God that was beyond that. To bring me into the freedom of how I am now living, in multi-dimensional realms, my soul and spirit had to be separated and reintegrated.

He knew that I was not yet at that point. My soul was to a degree tethered to my spirit, on a short leash. We would go in to the heavenly realms and come back out – my spirit could not stay there. But God wanted me to live in that realm in a multi-dimensional way, so He had to start the process of my soul giving up and surrendering my rights to control or to choose my own way of doing it.

God showed me a dark cloud. I was in a dark cloud a number of times during worship: I was not frightened but I just could not find my way. It was so thick that I could not see anything. I thought “I must be in the dark cloud – I’m going to go and see God” but I did not know how to get there or do that; they were just experiences.

Then God gave me this challenge to spend four months with Him. And I think what God did during that process for me was to remove the power that my spirit had in bringing some sense of government into my life. He removed that to let the soul operate so that I could sense what it was really like.

I thought I trusted God implicitly; I realised I only trusted God when I knew what He was doing…

Key takeaway

God is looking to prepare us for a level of relationship and face-to-face intimacy beyond what we can think or even imagine.

Into the Dark Cloud (book and ebook)

Mike’s latest book, Into the Dark Cloud, is out in paperback on February 14th 2024. Pre-order it from amazon.com (if available), amazon.co.uk, Barnes & Noble and other booksellers – or you can get the ebook from our website today!

[Please help us: amazon.com is not currently offering the book for sale (though there is a page for it). The more people search for it there, and visit the page, the more likely that will change!]