Vibration and frequency are slightly two different things. When something vibrates, the frequency is how often it vibrates in a period of time.
In terms of vibration, your physical body is reacting to a spiritual phenomenon. That might be when the presence of the Holy Spirit comes upon you and people begin to shake, or they begin to vibrate, or they might even feel hot. When something vibrates, or you rub it against something else, friction causes heat. So if the presence of the Spirit begins to cause your body to react, it sometimes can feel like it is getting hot, or it can feel like there is a physical sensation, that your body is reacting to something spiritual.
This is a real phenomenon. Whether you are going in the Spirit, translating, or whether you are having a spiritual experience in terms of a vision or an encounter, your physical body is part of that. It may not be physically going into another realm, but your consciousness is going into another realm. You are still connected to your body, and therefore your body may react, and that is perfectly normal. Some people’s bodies may be more sensitive than other people’s bodies, so it may well be that you happen to be quite sensitive in the body to physical spiritual phenomena.
When you are engaging in a dynamic like that, I would not be too concerned with trying to figure it out, because that could cause a distraction. Why am I vibrating? What is going on? Just go with it. It is nothing bad. It is just a natural phenomenon of the body reacting to spiritual things.
You have all sorts of things like that, like people getting slain in the Spirit, as people used to call it. Something physically touches their body in that they cannot stand under the weight of God’s presence, and their body sort of crumples because it just cannot stand in that. Literally, physical phenomena like that happen. People shake, and some people shake quite violently. That could be a sign of something going on in the sense of a wrestling. Sometimes there is a spiritual dynamic where God is setting someone free and there is a resistance to that freedom, and people can shake as a result of that. But sometimes people just shake gently when they are resting in God’s presence and they just have that sort of sensation.
Frequency is slightly different. Frequency is, let us say, a spiritual being. Let us say you engage an angel, and the angel has a vibrational frequency of its light form that makes it visible to us, to our natural eyes. Hence the frequency of the vibration of that being is coming down into the range that we can perceive. It could be vibrating at a much higher frequency than our eyes have the ability to perceive, and we would not be able to see it. But our spirit and our soul have the ability to perceive frequency at a much higher rate than our eyes.
We have frequencies of sound and we have frequencies of light, and effectively they are all electromagnetic energy frequencies. Our eye tunes into different frequencies than our ear does, and the eye has a very limited spectrum that we call the visible spectrum, which we call the seven colours of the rainbow. It has particular wavelengths. Once you go either end of those wavelengths and you get to infrared or ultraviolet, you cannot see them with the natural eye. But they still exist as vibrating energy. You just cannot perceive them with the eye.
You can have audible frequencies which are much higher, which you can perceive. Of course animals, like a dog, can perceive an audible frequency way higher than our ears can detect. But also you can detect those frequencies as thoughts in your mind. So God can be speaking to you. It is a frequency which is not audible to the natural ears, but the brain can translate that vibrational energy and interpret it as a thought. So thoughts have frequencies. In fact everything is vibrating at a frequency, no matter what it is, because everything really is energy, which has a particular frequency.
Some can be felt, heard, or seen, and others cannot be seen naturally or felt naturally, but they can be spiritually. So our spiritual eyes, the eyes of our heart, have the capacity to engage frequencies that are higher, or unable to be detected by our physical senses, but we can still see them, perceive them, and experience them. Whether God is speaking to us, thoughts in our mind, visions in our mind, our imagination, the eyes of our heart have the capacity to produce images that are operating.
We have dreams in that realm. You cannot see dreams with your natural eye, but when you are asleep, your actual soul can engage, and your imagination can actually experience dreams. They are all vibrational frequency patterns of energy that we learn to discern.
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Once you are susceptible to programming because of the nature of the organisations you trust – being fed by your pastor, and being fed by the apostle, or being fed by the prophet – and that they hear from God and tell you that God said this, then you are susceptible to receiving beliefs which are clearly not true. But because you trust the system you’re in, you believe them.
Hence, all sorts of conspiracies.
Hence, all these prophetic people come out with all this political stuff. It gets bought hook, line and sinker by people because they are conditioned that those people must be right because they are prophets: they must hear God.
We need to see people restored—brought out of darkness into light. That will not happen by trying to destroy them or confronting them with the same spirit in which they operate. True change comes through love. However, this does not mean that we just sit back and allow them to do what they like—we can and should stand for what is good, for righteousness, and for peace and joy. Importantly, we are not required to cooperate with those who use their power for selfish ends. These individuals typically control vast amounts of money, the media, and many of our major systems.
Therefore, we must begin to consider how we can legitimately remove their power—by refusing to participate in their ways of doing things. Real change starts as a grassroots movement; you cannot simply remove individuals, as new people will always fill the vacuum. What we actually need is systemic change, so when people see that our current financial system only enriches the same few and keeps the rest in poverty, they must stop supporting and engaging with that system.
To achieve this, alternative systems—kingdom government, kingdom banks—are needed, systems where money is not used for usury or lining the pockets of the wealthy, but for good. It may mean moving money out of institutions that fund selfish agendas and into systems set up for the benefit of all. When the time is right, if people withdraw their money, those individuals lose much of their practical power.
But it is crucial that there be something positive to replace the existing system—one truly governed according to godly, heavenly principles. Chasing every new “prophetic” financial trend, such as cryptocurrency, is not the answer; these rely on infrastructures that could fail or be manipulated in much the same way as traditional systems. Instead, there are established alternatives already in place—cooperatives and credit unions, for example—which are designed to support people and communities rather than corporate profit.
Ultimately, genuine change is possible only as people themselves are transformed. When enough people change, society will inevitably move away from corrupt systems. We should expect resistance from those benefiting from the status quo, especially when new technologies such as free energy threaten entrenched interests. Historically, those with power have bought up, suppressed, or blocked such advances to protect their profits. If technologies that advance the common good are to be released, we need the right people administering them and providing the necessary finance—including for practical matters like community-controlled water sources, so no one can monopolise such basic assets when their value increases.
We must plan wisely, ensuring that whatever solution we pursue does not create a new set of problems, but genuinely serves people and fosters a just and sustainable future.
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We need to get ready. I think now is the time to ask ourselves: what are the signs? What should we be aware of? We need to seek God, ask for discernment regarding what’s coming, and be prepared to deal with whatever may arise. The parable of the wise virgins is relevant—their lamps were filled with oil, but they also brought extra oil so they were prepared and their lamps kept burning. Likewise, we need to be proactive: ready and prepared.
This preparation covers all areas—building up health and wholeness now, being ready for whatever may come, whether that’s changes in the financial system, new forms of government, or presenting a new, kingdom-based perspective on the planet. It’s about legislating so that the enemy’s plans to rob and destroy come to nothing. We need to legislate for peace—proclaiming that there will not be nuclear war, civil war, or anything else engineered to bring chaos and destruction. Our role is to protect the earth from the significant changes that might be coming.
There may indeed be dramatic shifts ahead—major changes, such as increased solar activity, solar flares and radiation, or even changes in the gravitational field. No matter what happens, our call is to remain in a place of peace and rest, to be ready, and to engage with a governmental, creative authority as those made in the image of God. If something needs to change, we change it—not by simply repeating old patterns or creating yet another doomed system, but by calling things into being, by creating change in line with God’s original purpose.
We must abandon the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and instead pursue God’s original design for humanity and the earth. How would God have us live? Christians, as it stands, often struggle to live harmoniously even among themselves, let alone with others. We must move beyond division, set aside arguments over theology and doctrine, and instead establish relationship with God as our solid foundation—a plumb line for all else to align with. I believe this is where God is leading us.
More and more people are becoming disillusioned—with life as it is, with religion, with government. People are realising current systems simply aren’t working. Around the world, major democracies are seeing fractured outcomes—coalition governments in India and South Africa, for example, and a lack of representation for many in the UK’s first-past-the-post system. There is no longer a simple black and white; we’re seeing more of a ‘grey area’—a mixture of views and values, which is healthy. Coalitions, handled well, allow genuine balance, agreement, and sensible progress; it opens the door for decisions based on what’s best for people and for the planet, not just for the few who hold most of the wealth.
This shift means there’s increasing grassroots movement, protest, and people raising their voices—a trend I expect will only grow. Let’s legislate and pray that this will remain peaceful, and not be hijacked by those seeking violence and disorder. We’ve seen peaceful reforms before: Northern Ireland, for instance, moved from violence to the Good Friday Agreement, as people persisted, prayed, and worked for peace and unity. In South Africa, Mandela chose reconciliation over revenge, helping end apartheid, even if there are still challenges today. Major change is possible when people persevere for the good.
The fall of the Berlin Wall and the break-up of the Soviet Union were once unimaginable too, yet significant pressure from people within those countries brought about change. Even if new problems arise, the point is that change can happen—and we should be active participants, seeking wisdom, praying, and legislating for peaceful, transitional change.
Don’t just sit back and hope for change—let’s call it into being. Come together, enlightened, in unity, focusing on God’s heart and on the main thing: bringing about peace on earth and establishing God’s kingdom. The restoration of all things is what is needed—even those who have gone to the ‘dark side’ can be restored (as even in stories like Star Wars, Darth Vader’s true identity was rediscovered and restored). In the same way, fallen beings were not always lost; they were deceived down the wrong path, but there is no reason why they cannot be restored to their true identity.
Let’s be proactive—working and praying for restoration, for unity, and for peace on earth. The more we do, the more people will be restored to work for good rather than being used by forces seeking destruction. Ultimately, that Luciferian agenda will not prevail—we must ensure it doesn’t.
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We only need to focus on doing what we are meant to do, which is to live out who we truly are in our identity. We already know enough to begin legislating for peace, facilitating transition, bringing love, spreading enlightenment, and helping people rediscover the true nature of God. We are part of this ongoing process—the progressive unveiling of truth—and we are called to be a light to the world.
While we may not be operating in the councils of heaven or involved in various galactic affairs, we can still play our part. We can simply be who we were always meant to be, and through that, bring about change. This doesn’t require us to know everything—indeed, trying to know all things would be impossible! We just need to focus on our own part.
We don’t need superstars
If our role is to help others, then it might involve providing discernment to guide them in understanding where they are and how they can find their own path. That is the key: we don’t need superstars or fame-seekers. We want people who are content being unknown—those who are not motivated by fortune or ego but who quietly work behind the scenes, doing their part faithfully.
Of course, there will be visible faces who inspire others, but the majority of the work is done by those unseen. There are those who have been around for hundreds of years—whether in caves, like the desert fathers, or elsewhere—continuing their work. As more people become enlightened in this way, they don’t die and have to start over after 70 or 80 years; instead, they continue their work steadfastly. Right now, there are individuals who are hundreds of years old, yet no one knows where they are or what they are doing, because they are not there to be known—they are there to function as a steady voice and consistent expression of God’s kingdom in love. That is how God usually operates.
When Elijah lamented that he was the only faithful one left, God told him, “You’re not alone—there are 4,000 others still faithful.” God is always at work, and if we cooperate with Him and live out our true identity, we will be part of this movement to bring about change and establish God’s kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.
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The spirit needs to be developed—and we need to understand how it operates. The functions of the spirit are often experienced through gateways such as reverence, the fear of the Lord, worship, and so on. There are several gateways, all designed to work in harmony with the soul and body, rather than independently. However, because the spirit and soul have become somewhat disconnected, we haven’t learned to function as a unified whole.
When some people discover spirituality and develop their relationship with God, their spirit begins to function, but since we haven’t generally been taught how to operate in this way, generally we need to learn how. I found it helpful to engage with the different gateways of the spirit by walking through them with Jesus and asking Him to show me how they work and what capabilities my spirit possesses. We refer to them as gateways because they serve as entry points, but in reality, they represent spiritual abilities or function of the spirit that need to be activated.
These abilities are activated as the Holy Spirit flows through us, and when our spirit is joined with the Holy Spirit. However, because we haven’t been used to living this way, we need to intentionally build up our spirit. Some people seem to operate in this instinctively, but most do not, so it becomes a learning journey. The more we focus on developing our spirit, the stronger our spiritual abilities become; we learn to sense and feel through the spirit—not merely through the physical senses or emotions. As our spirit becomes more active, it expands, grows, and increases in its ability to function, and as we become more whole, the spirit, soul and body work together seamlessly.
Separating and reintegrating soul and spirit
There is often a process required, where the spirit and soul need separating and reintegrating. Typically, the soul draws life from the spirit but has not been truly subject to it. Without the spirit, we wouldn’t be alive. Before discovering our identity in Christ, we often live as though we do not even have a spirit—the soul predominates, learning from everything outside ourselves. The soul is shaped by experiences and operates independently of the spirit and of God. However, when we become Christians, our spirit and soul are reconnected, and that’s when a ‘wrestling’ tends to begin, as the soul is used to being in control—protecting and providing for itself through various coping and defence mechanisms.
Suddenly, when the spirit enters the scene, the soul resists surrendering control, usually out of fear. As the spirit grows, this struggle continues, but the sooner we surrender, relinquish control and allow the spirit to lead, the better. With our spirit joined to the Holy Spirit, our lives can be directed far better than by the soul alone. Once Jesus separates and reintegrates the soul and spirit, the spirit connects to the soul from the inside out, allowing everything to flow outwardly from that unity. We then discern what is happening in the world around us first through our spiritual senses, rather than through physical senses or emotions. We’re no longer operating from memory, but from spiritual instinct—enabling us to know, feel, and sense what’s happening.
It is important to go through this process and surrender the soul’s control, so that spirit and soul can become integrated, functioning together to operate in a completely different manner.
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Separation and reintegration
Once I had gone through that process and reintegrated, I became whole—spirit, soul, and body—in a genuine sense of completeness. My soul no longer felt the need to validate itself or dictate the terms of my actions. Suddenly, my soul and spirit were functioning in different realms but remained connected. This reintegration of spirit and soul brought a quantum entangled perspective, enabling me to be anywhere, as it were, and allowing my spirit to function in that realm.
Previously, I was tied to my soul; I would journey into heaven and then come back out, rather than having my spirit truly dwelling there, seated with Christ in heavenly places. Although my spirit was seated with Christ, I couldn’t fully understand or consciously realise the connection, as my soul kept pulling me out. As a result, I would have amazing heavenly experiences but would always return, rather than remaining in that place. God intended for me to dwell there consciously, uniting my spiritual and physical consciousness—linking my mind and spirit.
The bridal chamber
When that happened, everything came together. Things changed quite dramatically, and a whole range of new experiences opened up, eventually taking me into union in the bridal chamber. Now, this union is not sexual, but it is just as profound as sexual union, as described in 1 Corinthians 6:17. In the previous verse, it refers to whoever is joined to a prostitute becoming one flesh with her, illustrating the depth of true union.
I truly didn’t know what to expect. I felt invited to come to this place to meet the person of God—that was the union I experienced. After undergoing the process of separation and reintegration of spirit, I entered into the person of God and engaged with Him face to face. The encounter was overwhelming—far too much for me to handle. My limited beliefs and my mind simply could not cope with the magnitude of the experience, so I withdrew very quickly. But in that brief moment, I saw God and encountered something far too wonderful for me to explain or even process with my understanding of who God was.
Cognitive dissonance
This encounter created cognitive dissonance and prepared me to re-experience the true God, because the religious concept of God I had did not align with what I felt in that moment. It was simply too wonderful for the God I had believed in. I had to go through the process of really coming to know and dwell with Him. This began back in 2012, and over the years, I underwent a time of deconstruction—discovering who God truly is.
My relationship with God deepened, revealing the true God behind the false one I had previously imagined—the one who needed me to serve, be obedient, and fulfil duties out of obligation. All of that fell away as God challenged those beliefs. The ‘old covenant’ concepts I still held were also challenged. Throughout all of this, I continued to have encounters which led me to new places. For example, I passed through a series of firestone experiences—nine encounters in total—which took me into different levels of identity as a son of God.
There were many strands of experience, all drawing me towards union. Looking back, I realise how much work it took to get me to this place. I was so far removed from it, but I persisted in the journey, not knowing how each strand or encounter fitted together. All the experiences had a purpose, even if I couldn’t see how at the time—there was indeed a goal at the end.
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For me, I would only ever want to create something that came out of the Father’s desire, out of His heart. So I am co-creating—I am not creating independently. I am always going to be engaged with the Father’s heart. Now, if I am talking about something that is around my own life or environment, and I want my intention to be blessed or favoured, then I am simply outworking the Father’s heart as He has revealed it to me. I can choose the realities that form around my life through intention, forming the life that I live from that place of rest.
But if it is something beyond myself—something creative, something not about my own life—then I will engage the Father. And there is a process. I think I have taught on this process before, but the process is to engage in what I call the cradle of life. That is the place where the heart of God reveals to your heart His desires, and you come into agreement with them. It is a brooding place, where you become pregnant with His desire. And through that brooding and meditating and simply being in His heart, you begin to resonate with His thinking and His desires. And when you are in agreement with that—when you are in harmony—you become the voice that speaks that desire into being.
From there, you engage that voice, like the sound of many waters—the voice of God. You become His voice. That leads into the chamber of creation, which you can come to through various stages. And in that place, when you speak, light responds, and creation happens. Now, I am describing a process, but that process eventually becomes a state of being.
So for example, when I created some guardian beings—I did not consciously go through all of those stages like: I am going to do this, then this. It is just where I live. I was in the Council of Guardians and they asked, “Will you create some guardians?” I was a bit taken aback. I had never heard another being ask me to create more of them before. So I went to the Father to check it out. I asked, “Do I have permission to do this? Is this Your heart?” And the Father was like, “Well, of course it is. They are a Council of Guardians. They are not going to tell you anything that is not aligned with My heart.”
So I was learning. And then I asked, “Well, how do I do it?” And He just said, “You know how to do it. It is the same way you do everything—by intention.” So with that, I realised I already had the Father’s heart. I had chosen to come into agreement with it. I did not need to go and sit again in the cradle of life to find out what He thought. His thoughts had already come to me—through the Guardians, essentially.
So I went back to the Council and, by intention, I released that intention to create, and creation formed. Light responded to my desire.
Now I did ask the Father, “Why are there not enough guardians?” There was something in me thinking, “Did You not create enough in the first place?” I did not voice that out loud, but it was in my thoughts. And He said—because He knew what I was thinking—“We have left many things undone and incomplete for you, our sons, to complete.” That is the co-creating we are invited into. There are things that They—the Father, Son and Spirit—have deliberately left for us to fulfil, to complete, to bring into being.
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The text below is a condensed version of the video content.
Wait expectantly
I got through November, December and January—but I was in a bad way emotionally. Then came February, and all I felt was: wait expectantly. This was the dark cloud again, but now with the sense that hope would return. Still, I was frustrated. Why wait? What for? When would something actually happen? I sensed—not in words, but inwardly—that I should fast for 20 or 21 days, and then breakthrough would come. That gave me something to hold on to, a flicker of hope.
So I started fasting. Eight days in, I poisoned myself with contaminated water. I had not cleaned out the water cooler properly. For five days after that, I could not even keep water down. I had already gone over a week without food, and now no sleep, no hydration. I was delirious. Physically, emotionally, I was running on empty. I did not do what I would advise anyone else to do. I did not call the elders; I did not ask for prayer; I did not go to the doctor. I just let it happen. I suppose I embraced it, though I did not really know why.
My soul had had enough by that point. I said to God, “I surrender”—just to make it stop. I did not mean it, and it did not stop; it intensified. For another two weeks or more, I was at the absolute end of myself. My soul gave up. It stopped asking. I had no more questions. I could finally be still—because I had no strength to be anything else. I could wait, I could rest, because I could do nothing else. I could not even think.
It was my ‘Garden of Gethsemane’, in a way. Every part of me—body, soul, mind, emotions, will—was spent. I got the faintest glimpse of what Jesus must have endured, though his was infinitely greater. He took on the lost identity of all of us. Every dark cloud, every wound, every bit of brokenness. He carried it all. That is how deep his love goes.
God reminded me of some scriptures—Psalm 22: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” It felt like that. I was groaning and crying out, and God seemed miles away. But then, verse 24 says that he did not despise the suffering or hide his face. He heard. He heard me. He just knew I had to come to the end of myself.
Psalm 42 was another. “Why are you in despair, O my soul?” That was exactly how I felt—mentally exhausted, unable to focus, even to pray in tongues. I stopped trying. Emotionally I was wrecked. I started accusing God, and I received accusations—from myself, from the enemy. I felt I was a failure in every area: husband, father, leader, person. And I believed every word of it.
But God was using this. He was preparing me for what was ahead—for the criticism, the trolling, the accusations that would come. Nothing people might say could ever be worse than what I had already said to myself. Colossians 1:24 came to mind—Paul talks about rejoicing in his sufferings and filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions. Not adding to them, because we cannot—but joining in that unselfish love that undergirds all true ministry.
That is what God was working in me: love, joy and peace that does not come from anything external, but only from him. And I had not fully surrendered, so I was still going through it. But even that was his mercy, drawing me deeper into his love.
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Rejoice – Again I say, rejoice!
Rejoice in the Lord always—again I say, rejoice. (Philippians 4:4).
It felt like I might just be getting there. I had no strength to give thanks, but something began to rise in me—not from my soul, but from my spirit. Hope started to return. 1 Peter 4:13 says, “To the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing.” And something shifted. I began to rejoice. My attitude changed. Joy became strength.
And then came the shaking. Hebrews 12 talks about removing the things that can be shaken so only what cannot be shaken remains. That consuming fire—God’s presence—was burning everything up. And I chose to offer myself. I surrendered, even though I was burning inside and out. The fire of God’s love was testing what would remain. That was when I burned my ketubah—a contract I had written with 68 demands, all good things: to fulfil destiny, sonship, purpose. But it was my contract with God, not his. As I burned it, I felt each item die. And I grieved, deeply. Waves of loss rolled over me.
And then came the question: “Do you still love me?” If nothing I desired came to pass, would I still love God? Would I trust him, still rejoice, still believe he is good? Yes. My soul had finally surrendered. He searched and tested my heart—not to punish, but to purify. The pure in heart see God. That is what he wanted: face-to-face relationship.
I surrendered control. I no longer needed to know anything, see anything. If he never showed me another thing, I did not care. Could God trust me? That was the real issue—not what I could do for him, or him for me—but relationship. When I surrendered, he told me he trusted me. If he never did another thing for me, I would still love him. And if I never did anything for him again, he would still love me.
Those four months had been four phases: garden, dance floor, soaking room, dark cloud—be still, wait, rest, wait expectantly. They all turned out to be invitations by grace, but my soul had turned them into duties, burdens, performance. Until finally, I surrendered even my obedience. He freed me from needing to earn identity through duty. I saw that my redemptive gift is not what I do, but who I am.
And was it all worth it—just for relationship? Absolutely. It brought me to 2 Corinthians 7:16: I rejoice that in everything I have confidence in you. That night, when I surrendered completely and found joy, he separated and reintegrated my soul and spirit. I could never have done that myself—only he, the living Word, could. Everything changed. My soul and spirit became quantum entangled, re-joined from the inside out.
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The next day, I woke up totally restored. No symptoms. Physically and emotionally whole. I sat in my chair and re-engaged heaven. But now I was free—untethered. Not stepping in and out, but abiding. My spirit stayed in the heavenly realms. My soul no longer anchored me to the earth. I live in dual realms, connected, unified. Everything the Father wanted to show me became accessible. From that day, my spirit has never left that realm. My soul became a channel for heaven to touch earth. Joined to the Lord, one spirit. The gateway opened.
Looking back now, I can honestly say—I rejoice. I celebrate what the Father did in me. It was awesome. I am so deeply grateful. He loved me enough to take me through that fire, through that pressure, through the darkest cloud I had ever experienced—because he knew what was on the other side. He wanted me to be free. He wanted me to know the depth of his unconditional love. He wanted me to experience limitless grace, triumphant mercy—not just know about them, but live from them. And I do. That is where I live from now.
So now, I want to encourage you—just open your heart. Just be willing. Ask Jesus to take you wherever he wants you to go. Do not try to control the outcome, do not try to shape the experience. Just say, “Yes, I am willing.” Maybe he will take you into the dark cloud. Maybe it will be something completely different. But whatever it is, if he is leading, you can trust it. Trust him. You might not understand it at the time, I certainly did not—but he knows what he is doing. And if you are willing to say to him, “I choose to embrace this path of transformation,” then say it. Tell him. But do not try to make anything happen. Let him lead. Desire it, yes—but do not create the agenda. That was the biggest lesson for me: only he can initiate it, only he can take you through it.
And really, that is where this whole series began—right back at the beginning: to experience first love, we have to abandon our soul into the trust of the God who loves us unconditionally. That is what he wanted me to get to. That was my journey. That was how I got out of the boat. And we all need to get out of that boat. The boat of survival. The boat where we think we are in control, where we try to make everything safe and understandable. We have to get out of that boat, and sink into the vast, endless ocean of unconditional love.
Because only there—only in that place of absolute surrender, trust and intimacy—can we truly experience what it means to walk with God, to know him, to be known by him. That is what he is after. That is what this whole thing is about. It is not about doing anything for him. It is not about fulfilling a calling, or achieving anything at all. It is about being with him, loving him, and letting him love us. That is the invitation. That is the transformation. That is first love.
Activation (full version).
I encourage you just to close your eyes. Get relaxed. You may want to lie down. You can relax your body.
You may want to start by focusing on your breathing— breathe in slowly… hold it… and then breathe out slowly.
And as you are breathing in and breathing out, begin to focus your thinking on God the Father—who is love.
As you begin to breathe in, you are breathing in unconditional love— the love of the Father for you as a son, as a daughter, as a child.
Breathe it in. And as you breathe it in, that unconditional love begins to flow through your whole being— touching every cell of your body, your mind, your emotions, the whole of your soul, spirit and body.
Be still… and let God love on you. Let Him show you how much He loves you.
As His love fills you, let joy and peace come—overwhelm you, cocoon you. All of His being begins to flow in you. An atmosphere forms around you— a cocoon of love, joy and peace that you are simply resting in… relaxing in…
Be still. Wait. Just rest. Wait expectantly.
Whatever God wants to do with you right now— this is a safe place.
You can get out of that boat—figuratively. You can choose to abandon yourself— to sink into that vast ocean of unconditional love— where God’s love is so strong, so powerful, that you can trust Him.
He is a good God. He wants the best for you.
Just go deeper and deeper into that love, as He restores that first love to you.
You can sink deeper… and deeper.
There may be things around you that you sense or feel. Be willing to go deeper into that love.
You can stay in that place.
Maybe you want to get closer and more intimate with the Father— face to face with His presence.
You can fix your thoughts. Jesus wants to reveal the Father to you. The Holy Spirit wants to reveal Jesus to you. So they can reveal themselves to you— in intimacy.
Think about the Father meeting you. Fix your thoughts in your imagination. Picture a door in your spirit— and you can choose to open that door.
Invite the Father’s presence in— to hug you, to breathe His breath of life into you.
And as the Father embraces you in love, be open to wherever He wants to lead you— maybe to the soaking room, if that is where you are, maybe to the realms of heaven— where you can engage the judgment seat, or the altar of fire, or the river of fire.
Perhaps you want to take your scroll— to have it tested and purified by the consuming fire of His love.
Or maybe ask Him to take you into that dark cloud experience— if you are willing, if you feel the desires of your heart are set upon it.
Wherever the Father wants to lead you, just be willing to go— knowing that you can trust Him.
Because He loves you. He wants the best for you. He is a good God.
He wants you to truly know who He really is, so you can truly know who you really are— as a child of God.
Be open to wherever He takes you right now…
Feel free to stay in that place as long as you would like—a place of intimacy, a place of love, a place of rejoicing, where the joy and peace of God can just fill you and flood you.
During a dark cloud experience in worship in October 2011, the Father asked me if I would give Him four months. Now, I thought, wow—forty days was amazing—imagine what four months could do. He did not say a four-month fast (I think that might have been extreme, but I probably would have done it). Nevertheless, I was so excited. Of course I said yes to that invitation. I mean, it was like—wow—what was God going to do with me when I gave Him four months?
So I chose November 2011 to February 2012 for my four months. It was not a fast, but it was a time without journaling, without agenda—or so I thought. Well, I suppose I did: I wanted more. But He had an agenda. Wow. I was in for a shock, again, from that Jehovah-Sneaky. He tricked me into this—probably because He knew I might not accept if I knew what was going to happen. I do not know. But He got me into that place.
So—November the first, 2011. I got up, six in the morning, and I sat in my usual reclining chair, expecting something amazing to happen. Remember, I had had over a year of daily experiences and encounters in heaven, within my own spirit and soul—and now what happened? Nothing. Darkness. A blank, black screen. How confused I was! How shocked I was! How sad I was!
Now in hindsight, I can see what God was doing through those four months. Each month was a separate period. And I see He was taking me back to the garden, but I could not see it or experience it cognitively. He took me back to the dance floor. He took me to the soaking room, and into the dark cloud. But I could not see or feel anything—other than it was dark. Black. I could see nothing. I could hear nothing. It was horrible.
Be still
All I felt was, “Be still.” That was it. Be still. I had to be still. But I was so frustrated, confused, disappointed. My soul did not handle being still very well.
So there I am, November 2011, and God is taking me back into the garden so I could know God who is love. But that was tested, because I could not see it, and I could not feel it. All I had to do was be still. Psalm 46:10—“Be still and know that I am God.” That was the first verse I ever meditated on. I had meditated on that verse for years. And now God had asked me to be still, and I could not.
Another version of that verse says, “Step out of the traffic. Take a long, loving look at Me, your high God.” I could not see Him. It was like—how unfair is that? I had no problem being still until I was invited to be still—and my soul reacted to that darkness. I kicked off.
Now, there are other verses.
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.’ (Psalm 91:1).
But I could not trust Him. In fact, I did not trust Him. God is love—but would I trust Him without seeing and knowing what He is doing? My soul failed that test miserably. I had to know what He was doing. I bombarded Him with questions. I needed to know. Why was He doing this to me? What was happening?
See, if I knew what He was doing, I felt secure—and I could trust Him. But I did not trust Him as much as I thought, obviously. My soul kicked off. I really needed to know. I had to know. And of course—God did not tell me. Which was so frustrating, and so annoying. And I got so angry with God, I said things to Him which I am not proud of now. Of course, He was smiling all along. I could not see Him, but He was smiling, because He knew what this process was going to do in me.
I remembered that God once said, “I do not need your assistance, just your surrender.” I remembered that—but I could not do it. My soul could not surrender. And I think I did not really know God’s unconditional love. I knew God is love. I knew God loved me. But actually, was it unconditional? I do not think my soul accepted that that was the truth.
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So—November was a miserable month. I went through a terrible struggle. I was hoping that December would be better. So—the first of December—I get up. I go back, I sit in my chair. Nothing again. Blank. All I felt was: “Wait.” Looking back, I can see that God was taking me on the dance floor. There would be joy. But I had to wait. Why did I need to wait? What was I waiting for? Isaiah 40:31—Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. Great. But I could not see what He was doing, so I could not wait. I wanted to know.
Another version says, “Those who wait for the Lord, who expect, look for, and hope for Him, shall change and renew their strength and power.” I think that is the Amplified version. Nehemiah 8:10 says “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” So God wanted me to experience joy based on nothing other than Him. So I was waiting. Do nothing, see nothing, know nothing. That was not joy. I did not feel joyful, or blissful, or any other description of joy. I was miserable.
Could joy come from no external circumstances, only from my relationship with the Lord? Well obviously, yes. I discovered that in the end. But while I was going through it? Absolutely not. I felt no joy at all. I was miserable. Even Christmas was horrible that year, because inside I was in turmoil. I was so struggling with what was happening to me. It felt so unfair that God had made me this way—and now I could not be me. That is how it felt.
So—why do I have to wait? What am I waiting for? Why are You making me wait? Who am I waiting for? My soul was absolutely, totally out of control. And I believe the Father was showing me what I would be like without my spirit’s influence. Because when I came into relationship with God, and when the Holy Spirit was alive in me, and when revelation came, and when I was baptised in the Spirit, and filled with the Spirit, and all these amazing things—I had wonderful experiences of God. And it was great.
But now God was showing me what I was like on my own, following my own path, in my soul. Needing to know what God was doing, to even have a hope of joy. So why would I have to wait? It was so hard.
Rest
Then January came. The first of January. I was hoping—hoping—that this would be a new year and something would change. And all I felt was: rest. Rest. I could not rest. I was now in the soaking room. Rest. Peace. God wanted me to come into peace. I could not feel peaceful. I was anything but peaceful. I was riled. My emotions were high. My soul was in turmoil.
Matthew 11:28—“Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Well—I was weary and heavy laden at this point. I really felt my soul was carrying this weight of producing my own identity from what I was doing. “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me; I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” I did not find rest for my soul. I could not enter rest.
I had been at rest for a whole year. Wonderfully at rest. He had taught me from that scripture. He opened it up so I could know what it was to come into rest. And now He invited me to rest—and I could not rest. Do nothing, see nothing, know nothing, be nothing. More frustration.
I could not do it. I could not rest. Which was the point. Because He was basically saying, you do not have to try to create rest. You come to Me. Being gentle and humble in heart is true peace, where identity and destiny are accepted and surrendered for God’s glory. But I could not do it.
So was I willing to take the yoke of Jesus, even when it made no sense? When I did not understand? When I could not figure it out? When I did not know what God was doing? Could I do it? No. I could not. Absolutely no way. So would I follow His lead and be His disciple in pure trust? Which is exactly what He wanted me to do. But I could not. Not at that point. I could not do it.
Why do I need to rest? What am I resting for? What are You doing, making me rest? Who am I resting for? What is it all about? My soul just asked question upon question upon question. I could not be still. I could not wait. I could not rest. I was in turmoil—continually. I was asking those questions—but really they were accusations. I was accusing God. What are You doing? Why are You doing this to me? It is unfair. I have done nothing to deserve this. I do not like it.
But—I got through November, December and January. I got through it. But I was pretty bad—emotionally. And then I got to February. And all I felt was: wait expectantly. Now—I was going to go into the dark cloud. Now—hope would return.
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Activation (excerpt)
I encourage you to just close your eyes. Get relaxed.
You may want to lie down. You can relax your body.
Begin by focusing on your breathing. Breathe in slowly… and hold it… Then breathe it out… slowly.
And as you breathe in… and breathe out… Start to focus your thinking on God the Father, who is love.
As you begin to breathe in, You are breathing in unconditional love— The love of the Father for you, As a son, As a daughter, As His child.
Breathe it in.
As you do, that unconditional love begins to flow Through your whole being— Touching every cell of your body, Your mind, Your emotions, The whole of your soul, spirit, and body.
Let yourself be still, And let God love on you. Let Him show you how much He loves you.
As His love fills you, Joy and peace come— They overwhelm you, They cocoon you.
All of His being begins to flow in you. An atmosphere forms around you— A cocoon of love, joy, and peace.
You are just resting in it. Relaxing in it.
Be still. Wait. Rest. Wait expectantly.
Whatever God wants to do with you—right now— This is a safe place.
You can get out of the boat—figuratively. You can choose to abandon yourself, To sink into that vast ocean of unconditional love, Where God’s love is so strong, so powerful— You can trust Him.
He is a good God, And He wants the best for you.
Just go deeper and deeper into that love As He restores first love to you.
You can sink deeper… And deeper…
There may be things around you that you sense or feel. Be willing to go deeper and deeper… Into love.
Sons of Issachar 