Tag: first love

460. The Dark Cloud 2 | The Surprising Power of Surrender

Mike Parsons –

If you do not see the video, please click here.

God does not want to keep us at a distance. He wants us to be safe and secure in His presence—but that requires transformation.

Of course, Jesus wanted to share many things with His disciples, just as the Father desires to reveal amazing things to us. But we may not yet be ready to experience them. In John 16:12, Jesus said, “I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.” That was certainly true for me. God wanted to reveal so much, and eventually He did, but at the time I simply could not bear it.

There is revelation, truth, and encounter available to us—but, like the disciples, we may not be ready. It is not because we are unworthy or not good enough, but because our minds need renewing. There are still things in our souls that need to be dealt with so that we learn to trust God—not based on what we see or understand—but simply because He is God. Our relationship with Him must be based on who He is, not on what He does for us, nor on what we do for Him.

Visiting or Dwelling?

God prepares us to dwell with Him in face-to-face intimacy—not just to visit from time to time. At one stage, I was visiting His presence. I was engaging with the realms of heaven, but I was not able to engage with His person—at least, not until I had been through this process.

My encounters in the dark cloud were preparing me for what was to come, though I was completely unaware of that at the time. I did not know what He was doing, or what He was going to do. I thought I had experienced everything there was to experience—how wrong I was!

Once, during one of those dark cloud encounters, I saw my destiny scroll. There was an event marked on it by a blue flame. The Father called it the eternal flame. I was deeply curious—why was I being shown this? At the time, I had no idea it would relate to what I was about to walk through. I saw my life flash before me, leading up to that moment within the flame. I just knew that nothing would ever be the same again. But I did not know what it meant, or how it would unfold. God was showing me something important, something intriguing—an invitation. And, as I sometimes say, Jehovah Sneaky knew I would not be able to resist.

He did not tell me what He was going to do—He simply invited me to engage the eternal flame for a life-changing experience. A friend of mine later painted a picture of someone in a blue flame. When I saw it, it resonated so strongly—it felt as though she had painted me, right there in the midst of that flame that had changed my life.

True Identity and Redemptive Gifts

As part of that process, the Father wanted to reveal my true identity to me—an identity closely linked to my redemptive gift. That redemptive gift is how the Father has wired me, as a son, to engage with the world around me and to mature into His fullness. It is how I see, perceive, and interact with life.

My true identity is connected to my redemptive gift, but it needed to be freed from the performance-based, soul-driven tendencies that had developed through my life experiences. Trauma, nurture, and upbringing can all shape how that gift functions—often making it impure.

In my case, I was using my redemptive gift to create and validate my identity. My redemptive gift is prophet–teacher. That is not the same as the spiritual gift of prophecy. This kind of “prophet” describes how I perceive and process the world. And I am almost equally prophet and teacher—every redemptive gift survey I have done reflects that. That is how God wired me to function as a son: curious about how things work, with the ability to explain them to others. That is probably why He chose me to be a forerunner in heavenly engagement—to open up that realm for others. Hopefully I can share my experiences in a way that is not too weird, so that people can see what is available to them too.

But I had gained my identity and security from the knowledge I received by doing that. I was using my soul to engage heaven—to see and know what the Father was doing, which in itself is good. But my soul would not allow my spirit to engage heaven on its own. Though we are seated in heavenly places, the consciousness of my soul was limiting my spirit’s ability to dwell and remain there. I was tethered to myself, and to the earth.

The Surrender of Self

So the essence of who I was, redemptively, was being used to create a false identity—and to bring me security and independence from my spirit. What I discovered was that me, myself, and I had to surrender. My soul and spirit had to be separated so that they could be reintegrated into oneness—spirit, soul, and body—joined and one with God. From His perspective, we are already one with Him.

As it says in 1 Corinthians 6:17,19-20: “But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”

This is what God desires: union so complete that we are one. But I could not experience that union—because my soul would not allow it. In my own understanding, I was alienated.

The Mirror Bible puts it beautifully:
“In our union with Him, we are one spirit with the Lord. Do you not realise that your body, by design, is the sacred shrine of the Spirit of God echoing within you? You are not the sole owner of your life—you are bought and paid for. All of you is His. Live your life conscious of how irreplaceably priceless you are. You host God in your skin.”

Gifted by Design, Not Performance

God wants to free us from the need for our soul to find identity in works—what the Bible calls the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, the path most of the world is on.

The purity of who we are redemptively must be tested and refined by fire. I believe our redemptive gifts will grow beyond just one or two, eventually reflecting all seven—to become more like Jesus. As the fruit of the Spirit matures in us, we will function more fully as sons—engaging not just in one way, but in every way.

The redemptive gifts listed in Romans 12:6–8 are prophet, servant, teacher, exhorter, giver, ruler, and mercy. These are not spiritual gifts for ministry. They are who we are. We are God’s gift to the world. The refining process reveals those gifts and frees us from the need to earn our identity through our own works. We can finally be who God intended—no longer performance-driven, trying to earn His favour.

That testing will look different for each of us. When I first studied redemptive gifts—through the teaching of Arthur Burk—I began to see how God uses testing to purify each one. When I taught on the ketubah in church, I warned people: If you go down this road, you will be tested.

I knew ruler-gift and servant-gift friends who had their ability to rule or serve removed—just like that. Then they had to face the question: Who am I without that? Who was I, without being able to see, understand, and teach?God was trying to show me: I am not who I am because of what I do, but because of who He made me to be. Even if I never did any of those things again, I would still be who I am.

A Restoration of Original Design

God took me through the dark cloud because He loves me.
He wanted to restore me to my original condition—so that I would know myself as He made me.
He wanted to bless me fully.
He wanted to reveal my heavenly identity and position as a son.
He wanted to release me into the fullness of sonship authority to engage creation.

But to do that, He had to do something quite drastic -it may be easier for you than it was for me.

All Mike’s books, including Into the Dark Cloud and Unconditional Love, are available to order from online and local booksellers; or you can buy the ebooks and download them instantly from our website.
More info at eg.freedomarc.org/books

Activation: Resting in Unconditional Love

I encourage you to just close your eyes.
Get relaxed.

You may want to lie down.
You can relax your body.

Begin by focusing on your breathing.
Breathe in slowly… and hold it…
Then breathe it out… slowly.

And as you breathe in… and breathe out…
Start to focus your thinking on God the Father, who is love.

As you begin to breathe in,
You are breathing in unconditional love—
The love of the Father for you,
As a son,
As a daughter,
As His child.

Breathe it in.

As you do, that unconditional love begins to flow
Through your whole being—
Touching every cell of your body,
Your mind,
Your emotions,
The whole of your soul, spirit, and body.

Let yourself be still,
And let God love on you.
Let Him show you how much He loves you.

As His love fills you,
Joy and peace come—
They overwhelm you,
They cocoon you.

All of His being begins to flow in you.
An atmosphere forms around you—
A cocoon of love, joy, and peace.

You are just resting in it.
Relaxing in it.

Be still.
Wait.
Rest.
Wait expectantly.

Whatever God wants to do with you—right now—
This is a safe place.

You can get out of the boat—figuratively.
You can choose to abandon yourself,
To sink into that vast ocean of unconditional love,
Where God’s love is so strong, so powerful—
You can trust Him.

He is a good God,
And He wants the best for you.

Just go deeper and deeper into that love
As He restores first love to you.

You can sink deeper…
And deeper…

There may be things around you that you sense or feel.
Be willing to go deeper and deeper…
Into love.

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459. The Dark Cloud 1 | Why Would God Hide From Us?

Tuesday 29 July 2025, 1:00 pm 0 boosts 0 favorites

281. Scroll of Destiny: Just Being

217. Redemptive Gifts (1)

207. Restored to Original Condition

459. The Dark Cloud 1 | Why Would God Hide From Us?

Mike Parsons – 

Not able to see the video above? Please click here.

Where do we get our value from? Where do we get our identity from?

What I discovered on this journey of restored first love and identity was that I had been getting my value, worth and identity from what I was doing. And therefore, if I was not doing those things, I struggled with how I felt about myself.

Lessons from Hebrew Marriage

We have been exploring the restoration of first love through the lens of the six aspects of Hebrew marriage found in the Old Testament. God revealed to Israel that He desired a marriage relationship with them. However, they failed to accept that invitation. Instead, they set up their own system of Hebrew marriage, based on what they believed God had done—but something was missing: relationship.

It became a relationship based on contract, not covenant.

We looked at:

  • The Garden (Lakah) – God drawing us into intimacy and revealing His love
  • The Dance Floor (Segullah) – where He entwines with us, revealing our identity and destiny
  • The Mikveh – the soaking room of preparation and transformation, where He prepares us to come into His presence
  • The Ketubah – the covenant of relationship (which, in my case, I initially misunderstood and approached from the soul)
  • The Kiddushin – the betrothal, the dark cloud of surrender
  • The Huppah – the bridal chamber, the consummation of deeper union

False Identity

I was on a journey to have my first love identity revealed, which meant my false soul identity had to be exposed. I did not know who I truly was, and therefore, I was operating in the power of the soul. The soaking room began that process; the dark cloud completed it.

Today, I want to talk about that dark cloud experience—what led to it, how it unfolded, and how it changed everything. The Father’s goal was intimacy and union—symbolised by marriage and consummation in the bridal chamber—which would lead to a face-to-face experience of God’s person, far beyond experiencing His presence.

Into the Dark Cloud

I reached a point on my journey where the soaking and fire of preparation were drawing me towards the bridal chamber—to that consummation, to deeper intimacy, truth and knowledge than I had ever imagined. But first came the dark cloud of separation and reintegration of soul and spirit, which brought about total surrender of the soul. That was, without doubt, one of the hardest things I have ever gone through in my life—but also the most beneficial.

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Exposing the Thoughts and Intentions

This transformation revealed the need for that separation and reintegration. It exposed the thoughts and intentions of my heart, which were so soulish that I was shocked by my own reactions when God tested me. But He did it for my good, knowing that it was the only way to bring me into my true identity and reveal His true nature to me.

It was incredibly hard. The motives of my heart were mixed. Some of my intentions were shaped by the programming of wrong religious belief systems. Those flawed intentions were exposed when I attempted to make a ketubah—a marriage contract—with God, instead of entering into the new covenant that had already been prepared for me to be included in. The whole process had been flawed from the beginning, and it brought to light the root of my soulish motivations.

The Father used those stages to help me see the false perspective of the soul, in contrast with my true identity—created in His image and likeness, as a son. The flaws in my thoughts and intentions became apparent when I tried to make demands of God—rather than surrendering to relationship and trusting Him.

Contract vs Covenant

That is the problem with a contract—it does not rest on trust. A contract says, “If you do this, I will do that.” These are your demands; these are mine. And if one party fails to meet those conditions, that is seen as marital unfaithfulness and could bring the relationship to an end—because it was never based on trust.

That is what I discovered. I might have claimed I trusted God, and believed I did, but the truth was my relationship with Him was not built on trust. It was built on reward: being rewarded for what I was doing and drawing my identity from my works for God.

Now, none of the things I was doing were wrong in themselves—but I was doing them from the wrong motivation. I was driven by a need for self-validation. I found that I could trust God only when I understood what He was doing. If I did not understand, I could not trust. I did not realise that until He revealed it to me—and when He did, it absolutely shocked me.

Some of my intentions were definitely performance-driven, not pure.

The Nature of the Dark Cloud

My dark cloud experience will be different from yours. You might not go through the same darkness and inability to see that I did. Others have shared different stories of how God brought them to deeper relationship. But I do believe we all must experience a separation and reintegration of soul and spirit.

We are all born into this world with our souls shaped from the outside in. Everything we learned about ourselves, the world and even God came through our physical senses. Our soul interpreted that data and built a worldview, a belief system, based on upbringing, experience and, often, religious or educational systems.

God wanted to bring me—and wants to bring each of us—into the bridal chamber for consummation, into a face-to-face encounter with the Father’s person. For that to happen, He must reorient our inner being so that our relationship is led by the spirit and not the soul. It must move from spirit to soul, not the other way round—so that we can be joined to the Lord and become one spirit with Him.

The Season of Preparation

After a period of soaking and fire around August 2011, in which I had some profound soaking room experiences, then between August and October 2011, in times of corporate worship, I began to experience what felt like a thick, dark cloud. I did not understand what it was. I was not afraid—but I was confused and disoriented. What was going on? Why was I having these experiences? What was happening? I asked a lot of questions.

Why Would God Hide?

So I began to look into it—what are dark clouds all about? I started exploring the significance of dark clouds in Scripture, and what I found was that God hides within a dark cloud to protect us from the intensity of His presence before we are fully prepared and ready to meet Him face to face.

This is not God keeping us away—this is God protecting us, but also preparing us. He draws us into His presence by leading us through a dark cloud of trust. The question becomes: will I trust Him enough to go through that dark cloud to enter into His presence—or will I back off, be afraid, and run from the experience?

Israel’s Encounter

In Deuteronomy 4:11, we read about Israel’s experience:

“You came forward and stood at the foot of the mountain. The mountain was burning with fire to the heart of the heavens—darkness, cloud and thick gloom.”

Of course they were afraid. They had spent 400 years in Egypt, in bondage, with little to no real relationship with God. And when they came out of that, they carried so much of Egypt with them—control, manipulation and fear. So, when God invited them up the mountain to meet Him, they were afraid. They drew back, and they failed to accept that invitation.

The Glory in the Cloud

In 2 Samuel 22:12, it says:

He made darkness canopies around Him, massive waters, thick clouds of the sky.

And in 1 Kings 8:10,

When the priests came out of the holy place, the cloud filled the house of the Lord, so that the priests could not stand to minister because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the house.

Now, when we think of the glory of the Lord, we usually think of light—but actually, God had to protect them from the fullness of His glory, from the intensity of His essence, from the blinding light of His presence. Solomon understood this. In verse 12, he said,

“The Lord has said that He would dwell in the thick darkness.”

So Solomon recognised that this thick cloud was not hiding God out of reluctance, but protecting the people. Even in that cloud, they could not stand—the weight of God’s presence was too great. But within that dark cloud, when God came to occupy the Holy of Holies, He was actually shielding them from the light of His presence—until Jesus came to reveal the light as the Light of the World, to reveal the true nature of God.

All Mike’s books, including Into the Dark Cloud and Unconditional Love, are available to order from online and local booksellers; or you can buy the ebooks and download them instantly from our website.
More info at eg.freedomarc.org/books

Hidden in Mystery

Psalm 18:11 says, He made darkness His hiding place, His canopy around Him, darkness of waters, thick clouds.

The Passion Translation renders it this way:

Wrapped in thick cloud-darkness, His thunder-tabernacle surrounded Him. He hid Himself in mystery-darkness. The dense rain clouds were His garments.

This is an invitation. God is calling us into that mystery—to see whether we will trust Him. Are we willing to go through the dark cloud in order to encounter His person?

Psalm 97:2: Clouds and thick darkness surround Him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne.

So why does God hide in a dark cloud? Because without it, He is unapproachable light. But He desires to prepare us so that we can approach Him in that light.

From Cloud to Light

Eventually, when I went into that light—having been prepared and having passed through the dark cloud—I could not remain there for even a fraction of a second. It was far too intense for me at that time, because the process of deconstruction and the renewal of my mind was still ongoing.

But I returned—and now I dwell in that approachable light. I dwell in the realm of light, in perfection. I abide there. It is my home, constantly, continually. And that was only possible because I went through the dark cloud. My soul and spirit were separated, then reintegrated. I was reconnected. And now, I can dwell in the realms of heaven continually.

Hidden Until We Are Ready

Interestingly, the Hebrew word for thick and dark is the same. It means that God is unseen or hidden from our direct sight—until we are ready, until we are prepared to meet Him face to face. And that is our destiny. That is the purpose of restoring first love. God does not want to keep us at a distance—but He wants us to be safe and secure in His presence. And that requires transformation.

Activation: Guided Meditation

I encourage you to just close your eyes.
Get relaxed.

You may want to lie down.
Just begin to relax your body.

You may want to start focusing on your breathing.
Breathe in slowly… and hold it…
Then breathe it out slowly.

And as you are breathing in and breathing out,
Begin to focus your thinking on God,
The Father, who is love.

As you begin to breathe in,
You are breathing in unconditional love—
The love of the Father for you
As a son, as a daughter, as a child.

Breathe it in…
And as you breathe it in,
That unconditional love begins to flow through your whole being—
Touching every cell of your body:
Your mind,
Your emotions,
The whole of your soul, spirit and body.

So you can be still…
And let God love on you.
Let Him show you how much He loves you.

As His love fills you,
Let joy and peace come and overwhelm you—
Cocoon you.
Let all of His being begin to flow in you.
An atmosphere forms around you—
A cocoon of love, joy and peace
That you are just resting in,
Relaxing in.

Be still.
Wait.
Just rest.
Just wait—expectantly—
For whatever God wants to do with you right now.

This is a safe place.
You can get out of that boat—figuratively.
You can choose to abandon yourself:
Sink into that vast ocean of unconditional love,
Where God’s love is so strong, so powerful,
That you can trust Him—
That He is a good God—
That He wants the best for you.

Just go deeper and deeper into that love,
As He restores that first love to you.

You can sink deeper…
And deeper…
There may be things around you that you sense or feel.
Be willing to go deeper and deeper into love.

336. Get out of the boat… and SINK!

274. Separating and reintegrating soul and spirit (1)

275. Separating and reintegrating soul and spirit (2)

 

 

424. First Love | From the Inside Out

Mike Parsons

Not seeing the video? Click here.

First love at the very centre

We are tripartite beings, made in the image of God to be in union with the Father, Son and Spirit. We have gateways that connect our spirit, soul and body, facilitating the flow of abundant life within us. Most of you will probably be familiar with the gateway diagram. Usually, it consists of four concentric circles, each one inside the other, representing body, soul, spirit and the glory of God— that place of first love at the very centre of our spirit.

Discernment is essential

The body is how we experience world consciousness. The gates of our body—our five physical senses—include the eye gate, nose gate, ear gate, mouth gate and feeling gate. These are designed to help us interact with the world, but not to interpret what we experience from the outside in, without spiritual discernment. If we rely solely on what we see, hear, smell, taste or touch, those things can deceive us if not interpreted correctly.

Our soul represents our self-consciousness, how we become aware of who we are. It too has functions that help with this self-awareness, but again, it’s not meant to function based only on external information or independently of revelation from our relationship with God. The soul gates include conscience, reason, imagination, mind (conscious, subconscious and unconscious), emotions, choice and will. If these operate independently, they can lead us to create an identity based on what we do and the programming we receive from the world.

The River of Life flows

Our spirit also has senses or gates that are meant to work together with the flow from that place of first love, where God’s glory dwells. This is where the River of Life and the life energy of the Spirit flows, to touch the soul and engage our whole being—so that we interpret the world only through the lens of the spirit. That was how Adam lived originally. He experienced the physical realm through the discernment of the spirit, because he was clothed with the spiritual glory of his identity in the union of relationship with God.

Now, instead of walking with God in a garden, we have His presence within. Our spirit is within our body, and our body relates to the world. This is the picture illustrated by the four concentric circles. We have spirit gates such as the communication gate, prayer gate, fear of God gate (which is not about being afraid, but about awe), intuition, revelation, worship, hope, faith and reverence. Each of these relates to a corresponding soul gate. For example, reverence and fear of God engage our conscience. Communication may flow through intuition or revelation. Worship helps us to engage with the world around us from a place of relationship with God, echoing how Jesus only did what He saw the Father doing.

Three spheres

So it is helpful, but that image doesn’t fully capture the reality. It’s more accurate to think of three spheres—spirit, soul and body—that overlap and connect. So rather than seeing these interactions as two-dimensional, we can see our spirit, soul and body as spheres in quantum entanglement—connected in such a way that our spirit can be anywhere and still instantly relate to our soul. There is a place – our innermost being – where all three are connected. That is our core, the centre of our being, where our union with the Father, Son and Spirit takes place.

This video and blog post are taken from Mike’s current teaching series, Restoring First Love. Get the full-length videos every month, ad-free and with many extras, only at eg.freedomarc.org/first-love

Only a trickle

At the core, in our spirit is the glory of God’s presence within the first love gateway. God dwells within everyone, but often that gateway is closed or restricted, with only a trickle of life flowing through—like the stream under the threshold in Ezekiel’s temple. But that flow can increase: ankle-deep, knee-deep, waist-deep—until it becomes an overwhelming flood. This is God’s desire: that we be saturated with His love and presence.

We have the choice to open that gate. It’s a daily decision. In my experience, this daily opening of the first love gate led me into deeper intimacy with God. Often, Father, Son or Spirit—or all three—would embrace me, and that hug would lead me further. The flow would often carry me into my soul.

I walked with Jesus

When I first started engaging with these gates, I walked with Jesus through each one, asking Him to help me understand how I function. We are all different, and the interaction between our gateways is unique. I learned why some of mine were blocked or inactive. For many, the first love gate may appear chained or overgrown, seemingly impossible to open. That image is often a projection of fear or trauma—a deception of the soul. But in truth, the handle is on our side. We can open it.

When opened, the first love gate releases an increasing flow of life—no longer a trickle, but a flood. Most of us have lived on a trickle for too long. This flood can energise us at the core of our being, through the energy gates and the merkabah, leading to a state of immortal life.

Mike’s latest book, Unconditional Love, is out now as an ebook on our website and is available to pre-order in paperback from your local or online bookseller.

More details at eg.freedomarc.org/books

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